Are we nearly there yet? Ohhh… Oooops

WORDS: Corrine Barraclough PHOTOGRAPHY Corrine Barraclough

CB’s BC Journal 

It’s Friday morning as I’m writing this and I’m feeling very cross with myself. I’ve had a really good week; very productive on the work front, have eaten well, done some lovely long walks with my dog, it was my godson’s birthday in the UK and had a few little tears watching a video his mum sent me of him blowing out the candles on his 15^th birthday cake…

Are you getting the picture?

I’ve been very busy; on the work front, physical and the emotional front.

Truth be known, busy is my natural state, I thrive on to-do lists and feel guilty about sitting around not ticking things off. Those who know me best know it’s one of my biggest character defects.

Even my phone is filled with screen shots where I’ve whizzed into thinking about the future ahead of me. I’ve got home inspo, holiday inspo, campervans, inspiration quotes, faith quotes, plus 8000 photos (I exaggerate on that, of course, but bear with me, I’m painting a picture).

So, yesterday afternoon I finally sat down feeling pretty proud of myself for all that I’d achieved.

And then I had a nose bleed, noticed the cough that had been a background irritant all week suddenly felt more sore, I had a headache, achy body and as I climbed into bed the realisation hit me that I’d well and truly done too much.

I coughed and sniffled my way through the night and am about to call the hospital to discuss whether I’ll be able to have chemo today, and my little heart has sunk.

I’ve come so, so far, 11 rounds down with five to go, and I’ve taken it for granted that I’m going to get to the end of this challenging journey.

I’ve been dreaming about having hair again; I even dreamt that I went to my brilliant hair wizards at Toni & Guy Broadbeach to talk about colouring the three tiny strands that have started to poke their way through my shiny, bald scalp. I woke myself up giggling.

My head (and imaginary hair) was in the future.

My mind was in planning, organising mode.

I started imagining all the ways my life could be bigger.

I sleepwalked my way through the present.

And I took it for granted.

I’m sitting writing this in my pyjamas with my little doggo next to me, feeling tears brewing.

I have five more rounds of chemo to go, then a break, then surgery, and I can’t fast forward.

I must, must, must, take it easy.

I have to sit still!

And now I’m going to say a little prayer that when I call the hospital, they say I can have treatment… Will keep you posted. Wish me luck, say a little prayer…

More soon,

Corrine x

Update: Looks like I can’t have chemo today, my temperature is rising and I now have to do a COVID test.

 

Corrine was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer, which has spread to her lymph nodes. Her medical oncologists are pursuing a “cure”, which will begin with a six-month course of chemotherapy at Gold Coast University Hospital, followed by surgery at Robina Hospital and then likely further treatment. Corrine will be writing a weekly blog journaling her personal journey for Ocean Road Magazine throughout her breast cancer.